sexless marriages how to fixSexless marriages need fixing. While some might think it natural that sexual activity should drop off as a relationship develops this is something that I take exception too as it is a lazy way of being in a relationship. Physical intimacy is not the only thing that matters in a marriage or committed relationship, but it is the glue that holds it all together with all the good and bad things that happen in everyone’s marriages. Sex and intimacy are essential along with so many other factors such as trust, friendship, working together, respect, kids, laughter and a whole host of other things that makes marriages great.

So what can you do with sexless marriages to solve this issue and bring back good quality and frequent physical intimacy? Just how can a couple match their libidos much more closely? Is it even possible or is this a lost cause form the very beginning?

I personally do not believe that any sexless marriages cannot be fixed unless there is a serious physical problem that medical science cannot overcome. I would say that 99% of all sexless marriages are caused by psychological reasons that can be mended in time. Some can be quite serious; some can be almost frivolous, but still end up costing a relationship dearly in the bedroom. The first thing to do is to understand your spouse and their motives and history.

  • Sexual Abuse – A common theme for many sexless relationships is that one partner has had a history of sexual abuse either as a child or as a grown up. This history might not always cause them to be put off sex, but if they have not properly dealt with these things they can be major roadblocks for them to open up sexually. This is understandable, and needs to be approached cautiously. If you know about any history of sexual abuse then this is something to be very aware of, if you do not know of any it might be worth looking into to see if this is an issue. Be VERY careful if you suspect anything as this is a very delicate issue.
  • Stress – Stress causes huge mental and physical problems in people’s lives. Stress lowers your immune system, leads to depression, anxiety, low self esteem and a whole range of other issues. Stress is like a modern disease – perhaps not because we have more stress now, but because we are ill equipped to handle stress most of the time. Some people use sex as a way to relieve stress, but for others (especially women) is can be a massive road block to get in the mood. Long term stress cannot be overcome quickly either, it requires a shift in thinking that can take some time – or a change in how you live your life to avoid that stress.
  • Resentment – This is a huge part of sexless relationships. They can be big resentments such as the ghost of infidelity and other relationship destroying things, or they could be an accumulation of smaller resentments such as not putting the dishes away, not taking the garbage out, or small habits that you might not even realise cause resentment. Often this wall of resentment builds up so high all these things accumulate in the subconscious making any thoughts of sex abhorrent to the sexless spouse. Many claim to feel horrified when their partner tries to initiate sex and often do not know exactly why – this can often come from this sort of build-up.

So what can you do to fix sexless marriages?

There are many ways to approach a lack of intimacy in marriage but it takes an internal and an external focus. It relies on knowing these past issues, and being able to find ways to change your marriage, your own actions, and how you communicate. It might seem unfair that you are not the problem yet you have to do all the effort to make this change. If you think this though, you will never actually fix sexless marriages. You need to be able to set this high goal for your relationship and work at it. Once things start to work the, rewards are obvious of course!

There is so much to go into that it is best that I link you to something that has helped many couples escape the misery of lack of intimacy and allow them to find ways to get in the mood and have a happier marriage, if this is something you want then click the link below to find out more.

Fix Your Sexless Marriage Now!

coping without sex in marriage

Coping without sex in a marriage is like trying to withstand a tidal wave of low self esteem and frustration using just your own force of will. Eventually something has to give, the waves of sexual frustration will either break you down, or they must relent. However, without the right approach it is very hard to slow that deluge (to keep labouring this metaphor!) and so many are washed away. Marriages disintegrate, infidelity often rears its ugly head, and both people end up quite miserable because of issues that probably could have been avoided.

There are ways that you can overcome sexless marriages, but it does take time to implement and see any real results. Some can get lucky and find a path back to a great sexual relationship quite quickly, but others must be patient. This is where coping without sex in a marriage is a needed skill. Being able to endure this lack of intimacy, and often a feeling of lack of respect and love from your spouse is important to making sure you see the whole thing through.

Here are a few tips to help you cope with a sexless marriage:

  • Strive to Not Hold a Grudge -Resentment is one of the major problems in sexless relationships. The partner not getting enough loving will resent their spouse with a seemingly lower libido for rejecting them time and time again, and the other person will often resent their lover for attempting to imitate sex too often. Then there are a hundred smaller resentments from the marriage and living together that all seem to pile up to make each spouse resent the other so strongly it creates a massive barrier to intimacy. This does not mean sexless couples do not love each other of course – but it does mean that both will hold a grudge. If you can strive to not hold a grudge you will find that the mental energy you put into holding onto these resentments will go a long way to making things right, and making you happier. Ask yourself why you are holding any grudge even a small one; ask yourself what it is really achieving. Most of the times you will find there is no real good reason to be that resentful – it is like lifting a great burden.
  • Watch Your Use of Porn -This may not apply to everyone, but many people use porn to relieve sexual frustration in sexless marriages. There is nothing wrong with this in general as many people use porn in healthy sexual relationships as well. The difference is that in a sexless marriage this harmless fantasy can become a full sexual addiction because you need to use it so often. Porn can become an escape but it can also twist your idea of what a healthy sexual relationship might be. This makes it even harder to connect sexually with your wife or husband. Porn addiction is a very real and problematic issue in many marriages and especially ones with existing sexual dysfunction.
  • Exercise – This might sound trite, but exercise helps in a number of ways. It of course will make you look better which is not really that much of a factor in a sexless marriage (it is more mental than physical attraction). Exercise is also a way that you can get out some frustration especially if you do something that really stresses the muscles like boxing or weights. Lastly, intense exercise actually releases feel good chemicals in the brain that can calm and relax you. Such chemicals like endorphin are a natural way to get a kind of high, this can never replace physical intimacy, but it can help you cope and make you happier in the process.

All these things added together can help you maintain a steady and relatively happy lifestyle while you work on approaching your spouse and finding a way to fix your sexless marriage for good.

definition of a sexless marriageYou probably will not find a definition of a sexless marriage in any dictionary. You will find plenty of references to it online though, but what is the real truth of a sexless relationship – how is it judged and defined?

The problem with trying to define a sexless marriage is that lots of people have different views on it. Obviously it seems to say that it is a marriage completely devoid of all sex … however talk to anyone who makes love a dozen times a year only and they will say their marriage is sexless. The term strays into many peoples territory who will admit to having a sexless marriage but their situations vary greatly.

The only real similarity is that when people claim to be in a sexless marriage it means that one partner is getting vastly less sex than they feel is acceptable. Now before every man reading this jumps up and says that is him – we are talking VASTLY less not just that they would like a little bit more. It also usually means that the sex that is had is not very good quality too. One person in these marriage feels totally disconnected from real physical intimacy and they crave it!

This is the closest approximation of a definition of a sexless marriage I could think of. They are relationship destroying things, they destroy men and women’s self esteem from being rejected over and over again by their lovers. They are a pretty massive part of a lot of divorce as well, and have also led many a man (and woman) down the path of porn addiction and of course infidelity.

However you define it, a lack of sexual intimacy in a marriage is a bad things and need to be cured!